Look Beyond the Smile


Sometimes you see a smile or a pleasant face and your immediate assumption is that “everything is alright for you, if only you knew what I am going through”, the thing is, if only you knew what they were going through.

Some people are natural helpers and carers, and can be relied upon to jump into the breach and help another in need. They often do this with a smile on their face and with and humour to share. This does not mean that everything is alright with them, they may be the one who needs some love and support.

I have seen this with many professionals and business owners, they are naturally in positions of responsibility, where ensuring the well-being of others is an integral part of their day, so discussing their fears, sorrows and challenges is a hindrance to getting things done. So, instead they hold on to their anguish and keep going as though everything is fine, sometimes not giving themselves the love and attention required to make sound decisions that if made at an appropriate time can relieve much of their hurting.

The issues get left until such time that the person cannot hold it in any longer and it is ready to erupt with volcanic force. This is often because the individuals do not know who they can turn to, even to share news of what is going on in their lives. It is easy to say that they should share it with a friend, but remember, they are the one who makes things better for everyone else, so if they then show that they can’t cope…..

Sometimes friends can only relate to one area of your life because that is the context that they know you in, so where do you turn when you want someone who can see you as a whole person with complex needs, and then be your rock?

With perceived time and other constraints today’s solutions often tend towards overindulging, be it food, alcohol, medication (legal and otherwise), shopping etc., habits that at the time of indulgence may be a salve, but not dealing with the underlying issue. Many of these habits then causing their own set of problems, affecting health and finances as just two of the key areas. Thus, the spiral gains momentum.

From personal experience, I know that you have to be willing to be very honest with yourself and recognise how you enabled the situation to develop. This first step can be painful and liberating at the same time, as it enables you to acknowledge that you have more power to make a change. The realisation that what was initially thought to be the problem is often a by-product of another issue can be the catalyst needed to get back into alignment.

Some people need less support than others, so once they have had an initial conversation with someone (perhaps a coach) they feel equipped to put measures in place that will take them to the next level. Others require more of a structured approach to gradually unravel the layers of interweaving issues in order to enable them to move forward.

For all of us, regardless of where we are in our lives, it is healthy to periodically take an audit of our lives, looking at where we are and how is it serving us. For example, do you enjoy the level of health and fitness that you desire? Is your relationship with your family what you would love it to be? Do your finances enable you to live in the style that you want, with enough time to pursue the things that interest you?

Roxanne M St Clair
Transformational Life Coach, Educator, Speaker
Author of The Value In You

To connect with Roxanne to receive some free tools send an email to Roxanne@thevalueinyou.com


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